5.1 Returning to my hometown, everything is peaceful. Sitting on the balcony, feeling the breeze, lying on the bed with closed eyes to relax. Everything is no different from working in a big city, except that being at home is incredibly relaxing.
Working in a big city? For what reason? It seems like I have never thought about wanting more money. I can't remember why I came to work in a big city. It's not for money, it's not for broadening my horizons, maybe it's just to find a job.
I haven't earned much money, nor have I broadened my horizons. I am constantly pressured by the expenses of the big city and work non-stop. Would it be better than working in my hometown? I estimate that I might be better off in my hometown. Why? Maybe it's because I have no goals. In a big city, without goals, without saving money, without broadening my horizons, I haven't utilized any advantages that a big city should have. In my hometown, at least without goals, I won't feel too suppressed. Friends and family are nearby, and people are happy. With more communication, anxiety might be reduced.
When lying quietly, I slowly understand why I am so exhausted in the big city:
- I don't have many goals to achieve in this big city.
- Without goals, you can't make use of all the advantages of the big city.
- You can't escape all the disadvantages of the big city, whether you want to or not, costs, expenses, competition, fast pace...
- Without goals, the so-called broadening of horizons might actually harm oneself. Without goals, you won't delve into those things that broaden your horizons, you only have surface-level knowledge. Maybe you know a lot, but why can't you apply any of it? Knowing too much is not a good thing, because the superficial knowledge you have is just traps that make you anxious and make you overthink. For example, your classmates in your hometown don't know about ChatGPT, but you do. But does it make a big difference?
What is the goal? Working in a big city is not the goal, I was just swept into the big city by some coincidences. To stay or to leave is determined by the goal. So what is the goal? ...